When I still lived with my parents, in my teenage years not too long ago, I once came upon a book my brother brought home from school, a curiosity, because he rarely brought home anything at all. It was a book like any other, of the young adult vein, and without so much as a whiff of indecision I opened the book and started to read. It was a book, after all. I can hardly refrain from touching them as I pass by sideboards and bookshelves rife with them. Little did I know that this book was Harry Potter – or, to be more exact, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – and that the next three hours of my life would be spent with my nose interminably stuck to the flipping pages as I read the story in its entirety, from beginning to end. The feeling I had upon completing the book was sheer exhilaration, a rejuvenation of sorts, from this breath of fresh air in children’s literature, this excellent and imaginative evolution from the days of R.L. Stine. Over the next few years I became one of the many Harry Potter fans, eagerly awaiting the next books at midnight openings – with or without Hermione getup and Griffindor scarf wrapped around my bushy locks – and quivering with anticipation every time I read through spoiler columns of the upcoming Harry Potter movies. When the first movie of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released, you can be sure I will be camping overnight, like Star Wars all over again. So, it goes without saying I was eagerly anticipating Harry Potter Spells for the iPhone.

The Harry Potter movies are not stellar by any means. Each director – it seems there are many – took his own creative liberties in interpreting both characterizations and the book’s events, oftentimes in ways the audience found highly disagreeable. The movie Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix made a huge error when it had Harry’s prophecy spoken aloud as soon as Harry touched the orb when he and his motley comrades were in the Hall of Prophecies. The whole point of the prophecy was only the person for whom it was predicted – in this case, Harry – could touch it, and only when the orb itself was shattered, could the prophecy be released and heard. That’s why the Death Eaters needed Harry to grab it and give it to them, they being unable to hear it for themselves. In the movie, the prophecy rings out for all to hear, eliminating the reason the Death Eaters needed Harry’s assistance. It was preposterous. Not to mention, the adventures Harry and his friends encounter in the Department on Mysteries are gripping to read, and yet none but the Hall of Prophecies were included, and even the director ruined that. But, my quibbles are my quibbles. It’s only too bad the Harry Potter Spells apps falls into this disappointing trend of digital interpretation.

The app starts off promising. A snazzy WB introduction followed by the typically hazy shroud that encases the title Harry Potter Spells put me in the right, magical mindset, and a voice saying “Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,” with the Harry Potter theme music was just icing on the cake. Even better, the app showcases its raw Harry Potter fan-dom by putting its users through the Sorting Hat ritual. I was horrified to be placed in the House of Slytherin (”but, but… I’m a Ravenclaw!”), but if I really disliked this sorting, there’s an option to be re-sorted. It’s all in good fun, anyway, even if the Slytherins tend to be evil. Really evil.

Before even downloading the app I was impressed with the clever idea to use the iPhone as a wand, using motions to mimic the wand casting of spells. I mean, how utterly cool is that? My excitement reached a pinnacle of intensity after I checked out the spell chart, which included various offensive and defensive spells read about in the books, spells like the ever-popular (almost a household term) Expelliarmus, Stupefy, Confundo, Petrificus Totalus and Alohomora. A guide is provided with drawings of a vintage, yellowed design prompting you to the proper movements for wand casting. It seems simple enough in theory: hold your iPhone horizontally at all times, parallel to the ground, and cast spells by pressing your thumb onscreen and drawing shapes in the air, without too much wild gesticulating. You can even record your voice when casting a spell so your own voiced yells “Expelliarmus” instead of the stock, default voice. My boyfriend kept casting me aggrieved looks when I would cast spells, hear my voice, and nearly die from a fit of the giggles. But, my elation soon subsided because it was only until I tapped the Learning tab – used for unlocking spells – that I learned just how misleadingly easy these directions are.

Learning a new skill is always hard. It requires finesse, patience, and constant practice, but I’m beginning to understand why Hermione is always so frazzled. Casting spells is rough. The Expelliarmus movement is easy enough in writing – just a simple dash to the left and then down, but after countless episodes in the Learning module, with the app yelling “Incorrect!” I was bristling with annoyance. First, I cast my wand and the app tells me it’s too slow. I pick up the speed and it tells me I’m too fast. Then it tells me cheerfully to, “Try Again!” three more times, and then I receive a failing grade and must try all over again. Next thing I know I’m throwing my iPhone across the room and yelling, “Oh look! My phone was flung from my hand and I didn’t even have say Expelliarmus!” followed by many expletives. If I were Harry Potter, objects would have started levitating around the room, papers would have mysteriously appeared out of thin air and started fluttering is a flurry, and electrical sockets would have started snap, crackle popping.

It was only after an hour or two did I realize the patterns drawn on the spell chart weren’t limited to a two dimensional plane (thanks, brain). For the Lumos spell, it appears that you have to shoot your wand forward and back, when really, you must lift your phone up and then down, abruptly. I guess the “hold your phone horizontally at all times” confusingly made me lean toward the inclination that your castings, as well, should only be horizontal. In other words, don’t look straight down at the spell castings, and mime that movement exactly. Think three-dimensionally.

For moments like these, the app directs you to the Practice “room” or tab, where you can wave your wand around to your heart’s desire without a set time limit or end result. To aid in your practice, the Spell Chart is visible in the background, giving you all the movements for each spell. While the freedom to wave as you please is a nice touch, it leaves much to be desired. You can wave your wand endlessly, but unlike in the Learning section, there is no feedback to your maniacal waving. For all you know, you could be performing each wave differently, without consistency, and think to yourself, “yea, okay. I have the hang of it,” only to get a pathetic 40% accuracy in your Lumos demonstration. Apparently, practice does not make perfect. There aren’t even spell castings like in the Learning Module, which is the whole point of Harry Potter Spells – we want to see the cool special effects, that cool jet of cool blue light shooting from our wand’s tip. The Practice section should be exactly like the Learning module, with all its Incorrects and Too slows and spell castings – just without a set amount of tries.

Once you feel confident enough in your skills (I’ve unlocked as far as Protego, with most of my rankings 80% and above), there’s the awesome option to duel. Even people who don’t like the Harry Potter series can appreciate an impressive wizard duel, with shooting beams of light and exploding objects (come on LOTR fans, Gandalf’s magic wasn’t nearly impressive enough in the movies). I recommend memorizing the spells, because looking through the spell chart is a pain, and will usually result in your wand being knocked from your hand. Oh, that Expelliarmus.

To duel, you may either play with someone nearby, online, or all by your lonesome (this could actually pose as the real practice space, more so than the Practice tab). At the top of the screen is your opponent’s health bar, with your health and energy bar at the bottom. Alerts at the top left of the screen warn you about incoming offensive spells so you can quickly retaliate with the appropriate defensive spell to counter it. If you’re good, you could have an epic battle of yellow, blue, white and purple lights (thankfully, the game has different animations for each spell. I would have immediately boycotted the app if all the spells looked the same). For those not in the know about spells in the Harry Potter world, here’s a brief rundown. Offensive spells include Petrificus totalus, Expelliarmus, Confundo, Stupefy, Incendio, Oppugno, and Confrigo. Defensive spells include Protego, Finite incantatem, and Aguamenti. Some defensive spells are better suited for one offensive spell over another, such as in the case of Aguamenti. I would recommend using this water spell against the fire spell Incendio, more so than against Petrificus totalus, a spell that locks you up like a stone, rendering you immobile. Water versus fire, okay. Water versus total body lockdown? Not so much. Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it.

Dueling online can be slow and very choppy, so I recommend just duking it out wizard-style with fellow, nearby Harry Potter afficionados. I’m dying to see two kids battle on the street, dodging behind trees and yelling “Stupefy!” at each other. I would be happy to be stupefied just to see a moment of this, but unfortunately, the spell casting is probably too frustrating and difficult for most children to handle. Which leaves me to wonder, who will be using this app? I mean, I certainly enjoyed playing with it, but am I really going to duel with other 25 year olds? I like Harry Potter, and I certainly like clever apps such as this one, but there’s a missing demographic afoot here. Then again, it will definitely appeal to those crazed fans who order wands online, visit gossip sites nonstop, and order all sorts of Harry Potter type knick-knacks for their collection. I have to admit… those wands looks pretty cool.

With its relatable moniker, Surviving High School is an appealing game for tweens, teens, and young adults alike. A pivotal milestone in anyone’s life, High School is more easily romanticized with that hazy glow of foresight and hindsight than it ever is whilst living it, and those four years have that irksome quality of being simultaneously exceptional and loathsome. I survived High School with my wits barely intact, having shied away from any quality social interactions until my senior year, and having tremulously walked the hall always with a fluttering heart, a sigh of anxiety and dread that really had no defined nature or origin. Of my memories, the most fond I have is of being unofficially nicknamed “Miss 15″ for my astute ability to deserve the AP English teacher’s highest marks on papers – and having him pin one of my papers to his wall of fame; the most strange I have is being nominated for and winning the title of “Most Fashionable” – a title, I suppose, my friends still remark on today; and the absolute worst memory I have is, well, all those times when I fumbled my words around boys, walked into glass doors, came off as exceedingly dorky, and all those other traits I now cherish today.

Surviving High School is actually pretty clever, taking a Sims-like premise of decision-making, without all that character customization, A.I., and those fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants choices that can make your Sim a complete sloth with no motives, or a crazy party hopper with a satyric nature. Generally, it does without the overdone, now hackneyed digital doll premise that leads to too much vicarious living. Surviving High School instead fuses together this Sims-like, character-driven game with a cartoon storybook, turning the game into a revival of those retired gamebooks that had you participate in the decision-making process of the main character for a more involved reading experience. I remember in the mid 90s, the popular R.L. Stine Goosebumps franchise released a series of customizable storybooks, called Give Yourself Goosebumps, where you chose the main character’s decisions, leading him to his eventual demise, or escape, or endless looping through horror after horror. These were influenced by a popular series in the 1980s called Choose Your Own Adventure; it seems they’re being revitalized yet again for a new generation.

With 8 weeks to Homecoming, your character arrives new to BLANK High with a few different ambitions in mind – the first and foremost being football, it seems. A pretty girl named Beth introduces herself and takes a liking to you, flirting a bit with remarks on your good looks, and from the very beginning you choose where you and Beth stand. Before you start considering how awesomely progressive this game is with the introduction of lesbian or bisexual characters, you’ll be disappointed: you’re a guy and you will always be a guy. Right after Beth introduces herself, you get to choose your name and select a physical avatar from one of five, set character designs. The first time around, I chose the classic good-looking guy, with Leonardo DiCaprio blond locks from his Romeo+Juliet days, and a nice, olive complexion. Two other choices are classic stereotypes: the bad boy, with spiked hair dyed an odd mauve color and piercings (but not too many, that would just be way too punk); and the classic geek, with long, untidy hair, glasses, and earphones hanging from his neck (from, no doubt, playing WOW online). The two other choices – a black kid in bright orange shirt, and white kid with short, brown hair – are run-of-the-mill generic guys who could pass for either jocks or your average, faceless high schooler. Choosing your name is the best part – I enjoyed seeing “Dimitri” and – my second character – “Geoffrey” highlighted whenever another character spoke to me.

As you choose your character’s path day-by-day in this 8 week long story, you meet many characters along the way, some friendly, and some not so much. It seems whatever choices you make, Adam – the star quarterback – will always start off hating your guts and calling you “meat,” and Howard will always be your unconditional friend. Even after you fail at football, your teammates Chuck will always be the goofy comic relief and Jacob will always be the bright-eyed yes-man. And Amanda, the plucky red-haired ditz, will always have a sunny smile for you. However, if go the anti-popular way (hard to do in this game), then gossip girl Taylor will diss you rather than kiss up to you, and if you start skipping class, then the nerds in your various classes – Spud being the most noteworthy – will start to spurn you. Many of the scripted events in the game, such as rival Wilson High guys coming to assault you, and running into Adam walking home, are events that happen to matter what choices you make.

Your parents play active roles in the game, with a major decision factoring into whether you decide to maintain a 3.0 gpa or not (do you want a spiffy new car, or not). Curiously enough, the way this school operates, you can slide by without doing any homework (tsk) so long as you answer quiz questions correctly – all homework seems to be extra credit. For each class – Math, English, and either History or Biology – once a week you’ll be prompted to answer three questions of surprisingly educational value. The Math questions require some serious mental math skills, despite their easy multiplication nature, and the English questions require an adequate knowledge of some classics – such as the ending of Pride & Prejudice (freshman high schoolers may not be able to answer these questions – or at least, not California high schoolers). The Biology teachers asks questions on radial symmetry, mitosis, the Linnean classification, and other basic High school level science trivia, and the History class mostly revolves around World War II history and U.S. Presidents. It’s hard for me – even when I want to make a “bad boy” character who cuts classes – to dip below a 3.8. I start getting anxious.

Whenever there are more pressing concerns you’re faced with – such as getting snacks for your girl at the movie theater, or moshing like the regulars at Raven’s goth concert – you play a game to assess the outcome of your character’s plight. The game is always the same: a square tile board comprised on different letters acts as a Word Finder puzzle where you must successfully connect words to score points. Score enough points to reach the Target score, and your outcome will be positive – score less, and those snacks you bring back may be salty hot dogs instead of the Malt Balls Beth really craves. I wish there was more diversity in the games played, but the word connecting is effective and fun, if not completely unrelated.

It really irked me that no matter what, you have to play football. The first time around I enjoyed celebrating my closeted inner-jock (wait, does that really hold true?) and enthusiastically played the in-app football games that actually prove to be very entertaining. But, after creating other characters, I grew weary of this forced sport enthusiasm, and decided to play lousily, despite my character’s ever present desire to be starring quarterback. I guess you can’t get more cliche about High School than throwing football in the mix. Curiously, despite playing horribly, despite my every concerted effort to make the opposing team win, the Coach always found it in his heart to praise my efforts and continued putting me out in the field. I just let the other team have the ball, continuously, for an entire game, resulting in a score 0f 0-28, and he won’t bench me? Sigh.

Whenever your character isn’t playing football, he’s in class, or skipping class, going out with friends, or spending some spare time on Saturday choosing between watching tv, working out, and doing homework. In retrospect, these choices seem pretty limited, and character development is nonexistent – no matter how many times you choose the jerk answer, your character will always be the sweet, affectionate guy doling respect and words of wisdom to his girls and friends alike. The game is very cliche, in an almost aggressive way, with guys chasing girls and doing the male bonding thing, and girls gossiping together in a gaggle of giggles and lip gloss. In the words of a High Schooler, Gag me. However, despite these shortcomings, the game is maddeningly addictive. I played for nearly 3 hours straight in a car ride this past weekend, and it surprisingly wasn’t out of lack of anything to do. The interface and interactions are so clean, so smooth and enjoyable to behold, that you can’t help but giddly relish your inner-gossipy teen and see what awaits your character. Should I date Beth? Should I scope out the goth hottie? Should I see what happens if I slide in my grades and don’t get a brand, spankin new car from Dad? All these questions, so many answers.

After playing the FootBall season game twice over, I admit I began to bore of the game, but good news – the best part of Surviving High School is there are new downloadable episodes that air for free each week. New games, more fun, and the best part? You’re main character can be a girl. Huzzah! You can either spend $0.99 for episodes On Demand, or you can simply wait the seven days and download the latest one to come on air. The episode from last week, one about working in a pizza shop, didn’t strike my fancy, so I opted to buy the one for this next coming week, about building a High School float.

Yeah, I know, I’m way too interested in the quintessential High School ones for my own good. Maybe I’m making up for my very non-cliche High School experience.

That’s why it tickled me so to see we had an App Review Request for a game called Bar Rush by Intersog Game Studio – you’re the bartender, and you must quickly fill your customer’s order before chaos erupts. Right, I know, it’s quite the leap from home brewed apple cider – with quilts and cinnamon sticks, warm breaths and kittens – to the wanton satyriasis of a darkly lit and lively bar, but alcohol connects with alcohol, and hard cider has definitely been experiencing a resurgence in popularity among the younger denizens of our society. Just like the Lemon Drop became popular among upper class Manhattan women from vixenish Samantha Jones downing them in Sex and the City, and how Sideways forever correlated California Chardonnays with having too much “post malo-lactic fermentation” (that rich, buttery taste the French, for some reason, snub their noses at in their white wines – “Oh those Americans, they must overdo everything!”), alcoholic beverage trends come and go.

Bar Rush reminds me more of the movie Cocktails, with a brash, boyishly young Tom Cruise whirling and twirling drinks over his head and behind his back, which was usually donning some horrific, geometrically patterned shirt popular in the 80s. The main screen shows the bar’s entrance, people and lights inside, with the name Bar Rush offset and lit in that slightly tacky but appropriately hazy halogen yellow that just screams sex and booze and seen above most bar entrances in the 80s, and now coming back in some retro fashion in various cool spots in New York. Music and people clanging around adds to the scene. I was ready to see people in leather and caked black makeup, but the game actually took a disappointing turn with an extremely dorky manager in suit and tie, with an 8 year old boy’s haircut – at least I detected a bit of smarminess in his oversized suit and forced smile. To add insult, a giant glowing disco ball hangs in the center of the screen, flashing blue lights around this shockingly bright club, like some pop teenager’s idea of a dance scene. Black leather and caked makeup is out – tight, revealing shirts, golden hoops, and kittenish, flirty heels are in. The game’s intro is saved by a formidable-looking mentor with sideburns who manages to make an outfit of red vest and puffy white sleeves look enviable and intimidating, who shows you the ropes in pouring drinks.

After the brief tutorial, your manager starts you off with the easy stuff – beer, wine and non-alcoholic beverages – to prove your worth. At this stage, it’s actually pretty soothing being a bartender. Some lovely ladies and cool guys in shades ask you for beers and lite beers (I’ll try not to say anything about the game’s tendency to make only the women ask for Lite Beers) and an occasional iced juice. Pouring the drinks has such a satisfying sound that after awhile, it becomes second nature to tap the wine glass, pour the white wine and drag it to the customer, then place the dirty glass in the sink. Each of these procedures is timed, and you’re tipped more the quicker you do your duties, but in the beginning, all this is a cakewalk, and you feel like the best bartender in the world. After achieving the rank of Mixologist, I added rum and vodka drinks to my serving repertoire. Here, I experienced the first Dr. Jekyll appearance from my normally nonplussed, dorky manager, as he angrily reprimanded me for being a statue behind the bar and letting a dirty glass sit for too long. Suddenly, it’s a little rough being a bartender, hearing customers sigh dramatically, get angry and leave, or tip less. Want a little spit in your vodka? I thought so.

After passing this phase, though, my manager said, “The last time I saw moves like that was in the movie Cocktail.” Go figure. Liqueurs and whiskey are then added, and from then on, the game becomes a giant, mad dash in making drinks. Mistakes will happen and more yelling will be heard, but it’s all thrilling and quite fun. After awhile, it became instinct to reach for the highball glass when someone ordered a juice drink or carbonated beverage with ice, and to reach for the rock glass when someone wanted a rum cocktail. I would multitask, grabbing dirty glasses and putting them in the sink while mixing someone’s gin and tonic. While I wish the game was a bit more interactive – say, actually pouring drinks rather than tapping the gin or whiskey or tequila – it’s hard enough in its present state, and at least when making martinis you get to shake your iPhone in a miming motion. I don’t exactly frequent bars that often, and I’m definitely not a mixology expert, so reaching for the schnapps, the gin, the grenadine, was quite the pressing matter in ignorance. I found myself double tapping the customer frequently so I could remember what ingredients to use, and in what order. Sometimes I would choose the wrong glass and have to put it back. What’s worse, if you screw up someone’s drink, that’s it for your life as a bartender. You’re back to square one. I happily mixed a nice glass of Dragon’s Breath only to accidentally put ice in it. The women pffftted at me, walked away, and my job security, health insurance, was kaput.

Bar Rush will test your speed, wits and skill, as you race to satisfy the thirsty patrons in this time-management simulation with stimulation. Mix, shake, pour and serve all orders before the clock runs out, and in the process learn the recipes to dozens of classic cocktails – maybe not in the right amounts, and making lacking in one or two ingredients (Dragon’s Breath has firewater, which this game does not), but you get the picture. The bar music should better reflect a bar scene, even a disco scene, because the current music in the game is hokey at best, seemingly decided upon at the last minute when the developer realized, “Oops, I forgot to put in music.” My complaints are relatively insignificant, however, as Bar Rush is very, very fun, and definitely provides an original premise. Perhaps, just not for the kids.

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*When using the promotion code to download for free, it’s on a first-come, first-served basis. Out of courtesy, please leave a comment below mentioning you’ve used the promotion code.

Back in June, I attempted to review Sims 3 and it simply wouldn’t work on my iPhone – it worked for several moments, crashed, and refused to work thereafter. I was a bit miffed, particularly since I absolutely love all the Sims games, pledge undying allegiance to EA Games, spent Spring break sophomore year of college in a dark room, nose stuck to the computer screen playing Sims and living vicariously through my digital dolls. I have no qualms about openly admitting to this.

Thankfully, in some bizarre, magical twist, once I downloaded the 3.0 upgrade for my iPhone, Sims 3 worked! I couldn’t believe it, and best of all, in my many hours playing with it, tinkering with it, sticking my nose to the screen and laughing uproariously at my character the sleaze jumping into yet another bed with a cloud of tumbling limbs and ponytails, I can attest to its lack of crashing. I wish I could explain its magical reemergence, but I’ll just boil it down to the similar mystery of computers crashing.

As I mentioned in my previous review, Sims 3 is one truly large game, and I applaud EA games for winnowing down their game for the iPhone, and redeveloping and re-managing it in a fresh and creative way (I’ll give some props to EA, they’re definitely not lacking in the creativity department). Obviously, the game in its entirety could not be translated verbatim to the iPhone, and anyone expecting as much is surely to be disappointed. The game is much more simplistic, with less variety in character customization, building, and some of the skill sets. However, to compensate for these sacrifices, EA Games either gives just enough variety to satiate, or else finagles a new angle on the original feature (e.g. rather than your Sim reading or experimenting in the kitchen to learn how to cook, he must purchase recipes).

To start the game you first must customize your character, as in the original game. For efficiency, EA Games doesn’t include facial characteristics , weight changes, and a myriad variety of clothing and hair styles (the computer version of Sims 3 is nearly limitless in its ability to physically morph your character, whether that be cheekbones, eye shape, nose shape, chin and jawbone shape, etc). Despite these narrower options, you still feel like you’re creating your own individual Sim – even if all the women have beautiful almond shaped eyes, slim physiques, the ability to wear shorts without abandon, and all the men have the enviable V-shaped, slender but fit build, with superbly masculine square jawline. After all, what would Sims be without exaggerating our cultural representation of attractiveness?

I feel among Sims players there are two unavoidable things that happen: you create a Sim likeness of yourself, and you create one that is so absolutely outrageous it’s the antithesis of who you are, or – dare I say – the kind of person you tend to admire. The first Sim I made was definitely a likeness of myself (in the PC version, the resemblance in both physicality and personality was so uncanny that playing with Sim Jackie became a little awkward – she had more friends than I did, and a better sex life), with her brunette hair in a ponytail, and green eyes. Only the wardrobe didn’t match – I can’t remember a single time I’ve worn converse shoes with striped socks and denim shorts (how very hipster of Sim Jackie). In the PC version I could easily make my Sim resemble myself in personality to fairly minute details, or whatever personality I wanted, and they would each be vastly different. For Sims 3 on the iPhone, they pared down the personalities to 6 categories, including Jack-of-All-Trades, Nice Girl, Jerk, Sleaze, Power Seeker, and Maniac. Then, as in the original, you may select 5 personality traits, some being shy, conversationalist, modest, vain, easily bored, active, couch potato, genius, absent-minded and more. After choosing your Sims core personality and extra quirks, all you have to do is name your Sim and you’re on your way to joining the Sim universe.

You start off in a quaint brick house, with all the usual amenities, except, strangely, a stove. Unlike in the PC version, you cannot drop down the house walls permanently, leaving only the house outline, nor can you set them up permanently; the walls are always in the cut-out setting, where depending on the angle you see, certain walls are lowered to prevent your view from being obstructed. Build mode is the same as in the game, just with few items to choose from (categories include kitchen, living room, bathroom, lighting, electronics, and plants but no outdoor items), and rather than rotating objects as you buy them, to properly land, you instead choose a highlighted tile – i.e. an available spot to put the item, very clever and helpful – and the object appears there, often facing the opposite direction in which you had planned it, forcing you to tap the “move/sell” button and reorient the object. This is just small drawback, and isn’t too much of an inconvenience.

Changing the perspective is very intuitive, and EA Games took full advantage of the iPhone intuitive user interface to accomplish such. Zoom in and out using the bar at the right side, move the screen by dragging a single finger across the screen, and to change the viewing angle (above, rotated) use two fingers and scrunch them in and out and around.  I had no problems is quickly and efficiently rotating the camera and zooming for the best possible playing experience.

One of the beautiful things about sims is their autonomy, their ability to seek entertainment, food, any of those mechanical things that drive humans, and the iPhone version doesn’t disappoint. Getting sims together is usually a guaranteed laugh. As before, you can just sit back and let things happen if you prefer, and the AI does a good job with automated behavior; sims will act in ways remarkably true to the personality that you’ve established for them. But directing social encounters often yields even more hysterical results, and your sims’ traits allow you to direct conversations more easily than before. There’s a wider array of conversation topics when meeting up with others, and you’ll want to play around with all of them just to see how your friends react. Try jumping into a romantic interest’s arms – he may just refuse to catch you. Kiss another sim in front of your husband and watch the slaps ensue. Or generate your own sadistic amusement by denying your sims the use of a toilet, or putting them in a room without doors. Watching the expressive animations and listening to the dramatic vocal inflections is always a delight, whether it’s the man of the house throwing a tantrum because there are rotting leftovers in the fridge, or something else. That’s why the option to turn off this ability always seemed like turning off a major component of the game for me. They’re not directionless robots! You’re supposed to guide them! Your sims desires are are the same for the iPhone app as they were in the PC version: hunger, energy, bladder, hygiene, social, fun. Perform activities in the different categories and your sims’ desires will be satiated.

For added interactivity in a game where EA Games pared down a lot of what the game originally had to offer, EA has a new feature, that of your sims having “wishes” they want to have fulfilled, such as gaining a skill point at fishing, planting a tomato garden, etc. These wishes are locked in on the bottom right of your navigation bar, and you may have up to five at a time; but don’t worry, you don’t have to accept your sim’s every wish, as hardly any of us in life fulfill all our wishes, anyway. Tinkering with these wishes is a great part of this game, and if you faithfully accomplish all of them, a new profession, that of a “criminal,” is unlocked. Perhaps in the Sim world, criminals are simply the luckiest in getting their wishes across.

Fulfilling wishes is a great way to discover new features of Sims 3. To plant a vegetable garden, you must purchase fertilizer, seeds, and a watering can from the hobby store downtown, and then faithfully tend to your garden. I especially enjoyed learning how to fish, as you mimic your Sim’s jerking of the line when a fish bites by jerking your iPhone. It’s very easy and very fun.

However, I wasn’t terribly impressed with the cooking feature in this Sims. Unlike in the PC version, you cannot learn recipes simply by reading or experimenting on the stovetop – you must purchase new recipes at the Corsican Bistro, because apparently Foodie-ism is rampant in the Sims world, and self-taught cooking is looked down upon. Shaking your iPhone to mimic stirring the pot and prevent the contents from boiling over or burning ends up being cumbersome, especially when prior you have to purchase all the ingredients necessary for the recipe. I appreciate the thoroughness of this, and it’s a good idea in principle, but when acted upon it gets a little tedious.

The Corsican Bistro and Hobby Shop are both located in the Town area, which thankfully, isn’t choppy, save for a few jerks here and there that usually happen in the PC version, too. Here your sim can go to shops, head to work, or visit other sims’ residences.  If you see another sim strolling on the sidewalk, enjoying the lake or simply getting some fresh air, be sure to strike up a conversation and rake up your social quota and skills. When walking around town, for ease of the game, your sim practically sprints, hurdles himself toward the destination; it’s a little odd to watch, but otherwise we’d all be waiting patiently, then not so patiently, for our sim to stroll, meander slowly and thoughtfully to his prescribed destination. To return home, zoom out and tap on your house or select the home icon from the status menu.

It’s just too unfortunate that, unlike in the PC version, your sim cannot actually go inside the shops. Instead, a bar pops up to the side relaying the purchasing options you have, whether they’re food, gear, or recipes, depending on where you shop. I love the Quikmart and was impressed by the variety in food your Sim can now eat. Vegetables are available in abundance – a sign, I guess, that our Sims are healthier than before, with no pizzas and burgers in sight – as well as snapper, trout, chicken, ham, steak, salmon, and catfish even. Catfish! I don’t even have catfish at my local markets. The hobby shop is nearly as extensive, allowing you to buy repair kits (helpful for those home repairs, darn those showers always seem to break), fishing kits (helpful for fulfilling that wish), watering cans, and fertilizer for growing your own vegetables (how very progressive).

But hold on, before you embark on a spending spree, get a job. You have a career choice in Biology, Politics, Business and Cuisine, each with their varying promotion levels. Having been a chef by trade for awhile myself, I always like the Cuisine route (they have the best digital uniform, anyway).

Given the freedom of home and town, the better-than-expected visuals, and the fresh spins off the original game, Sims 3 for the iPhone was obviously created with full seriousness by EA Games, they successfully compartmentalizing the game for the mobile platform, without losing any of the humor or charm, while managing to expand on some original features. And hey, it may even be better than the PC version because without all the extra details, frills and thrills of parenthood, physical customizations, and more, this iPhone version will make you giggle without taking up too much of your time. I seriously recommend this game for any fan of the Sims franchise.

Remember Black & White? Okay, maybe you don’t, but I sure do. It was this amazing game released in 2001 that introduced stunning AI within a god game complex, where your unseen God-like character ruled the land and was worshipped by people you chose to either amaze or terrorize.

Pocket God by Bolt Creative, too, is a god game, only it focuses instead on the amusing terrorizing and torture of your little pygmy natives. The game takes place on the Island of Oog, where pygmies take on names similar to the island’s alliteration, of Ooga, Booga, Noogy, Dooby, Klik and Klak, and they wander around from side to side of their tiny island, unawares of what travesty will happen to them next. On the character stats page you can read the amusing one-line descriptions of each character – Booga is gross and smells horrible – as well as their current mood and sacrifices – my Booga has currently been sacrificed by a lightning strike and from being eaten by a T-rex. Being their god, it is within your means to guide them or torture them, though the game isn’t really in-depth enough to focus on character development; it really is just a fun game of poking and abuse and terrorizing. Thankfully, while playing the game, the iPhone screen doesn’t darken and go to sleep but faithfully watches your Pygmies in action.

The game begins with a few pygmies walking back and forth on the island. Sometimes they scratch their nose, sometimes they explode from their bladder bursting while waiting impatiently for the outhouse, and sometimes they eagerly eat an entire fish in one gulp should another pygmy be fishing. Usually, though, they stand around with their big, bulbous eyes and flintstone getup, vacantly blinking and taking three steps in one direction, then three steps back. It’s surprising how often their bladders burst – I’ve lost countless pygmies to the tinkles – so make sure you tap on the outhouse door to remind the indisposed Pygmy that others are waiting in imminent danger.

The pygmies have it rough even without your hand of god picking them and tossing them around, aiming for the volcano to spew them out in a fiery mess. I left all five of them alone for 3 minutes and all of them died from either burst bladders, an unfortunate shark attack while fishing, a random earthquake, or from falling off the screen if my phone tilted and changed the course of gravity. It’s nearly impossible to keep all five alive without constant vigilance.

At the start of the game you’ll notice a plus and arrow sign at the top. The plus sign populates your island with more pygmies, but the maximum population is 5, ending with the arrival of Klak. The arrow sign toggles the menu tab, where you may access different features, like changing the island from the volcano one to the dinosaur one, or sorting through different adventures for your pygmies. Some of the various actions include summoning a meteor, an ant hill, stormy weather, island dancing, a fishing pole, and a shark. Each of these provides a new adventure for your pygmies – or, more accurately, a new way to screw with your minions. If left to their own devices, your defenseless pygmies will run in a frenzied pack of fear, always taking the flight of the fight-or-flight response, and they will eventually die. If you choose to assist them, such as giving them a spear to fend off a T-rex, then the Pygmies will attack with virility, knowing their God is covering their back.

In this game, your actions truly are the finger of god. You can launch your pygmies in the air by touching them and flinging them about – I like to dangle them above a shark and have the shark launch out of the water and gulp them whole; you can summon a meteor and then use it to crush your pygmies; you can summon a magnifying glass and burn your pygmies to a flaming, evaporating crisp, or even burn the ants from the nearby ant hill; and you can summon a T-rex to gobble up your teeny tiny dumb Pygmies one by one.

Your finger of god doesn’t just directly handle the Pygmies. You are a God, after all, and what do gods do best? They manipulate the earth! You can drag the sun downward to make it nighttime, even dusk, or return to daytime by doing the same with the Moon. Should you tire of sunny skies, then tap the lightning cloud toggle and then zap your Pygmies with lightning until they disappear in a poof of vaporized carbon, or just fling your finger across the sky for the weather to abruptly change. Shake the iPhone up and down to create an earthquake, chattering the Pygmies teeth, or turn your iPhone upside down to reverse gravity, and fling them far offscreen to their demise. A hurricane is easily created with your powerful finger, by swirling the sky until a violent vortex appears, carrying your screaming Pygmies into oblivion. Or you can toss the water to form a tidal wave, which will throw the entire island under water. Each of these, of course, should be performed with a booming BWAHAHAHA from you.

Not everything, of course, revolves around disaster for your Pygmy tribesmen. They will happily pull fish after fish from the water if you give them a pole, and they will eat coconuts with gusto should you knock them from a tree. They will dance separately, and in unison, with fireworks if you tap your finger to a rhythm; but don’t have them dance for too long, or, as is their nature, they will explode.

Whether you choose to nurture your Pygmies or torture them – and granted there are far more ways to torture them you will most likely relish the evil side – Pocket God is endlessly amusing and is an easy way to completely lose track of time. It may not be as in-depth as PC games like Black & White, but having a game with no objectives or goals is often more entertaining on the go than one that requires you to advance onto newer levels. So next time you just want to hit something, why not just unleash a fury of fire ants on Booga? He’s smelly and gross anyway.

I’m not kidding. I’m a little pissed off, frankly. I downloaded the new Sims 3 app for the iPhone at a fairly steep $9.99 and I haven’t been able to open the game, let alone play it. I would have included some in-game pictures and some comments on the gameplay had I been able to actually access the game, but all I have is an old picture of me seething with devil horns I found appropriate for the situation. I tried deleting the app and then re-downloading, only this time Sims 3 didn’t even bother appearing on my iPhone. I tried re-syncing, opting to sync only the Sims 3 game, reconnecting my USB cable, rebooting iTunes, even rebooting my computer and iPhone when I became desperate, all to no avail. Now I have to settle for not playing a game and having 10 less dollars. That’s a lunch I’ll be foregoing.

It’s surprising, really, that EA Games could have spent a lavish amount of time formatting the latest Sims phenomenon for the iPhone, only to result in a game that either doesn’t work from the onset, or works only long enough to enjoy the sight of your Sims character before it fizzles into yet another crash blackout. Cyan was able to put the entire Myst game onto the iPhone and it rarely crashes.

Really, EA Games, I’m disappointed in you.

I’ll allow one star because I really enjoy the Sims games, and I hope any corrections to the app may be addressed in a follow-up review.